Essay+Comments

=The Charter School of Wilmington =

Ms. Lober - Social Studies
=AP US HISTORY= =Essay Comments – Free Response and DBQ=

__** Brown **__ text within your essay = you need to rephrase this sentence/phrase in order to more clearly communicate your point.

__** Blue **__ text within your essay = these words/phrases should be deleted from your essay.

__** Red **__ text within your essay = changes that have been made to demonstrate more effective word choice/sentence structure or omitting needless words.

Comments are made within the body of your essay and further comments appear at the end of your essay in ** BLUE. ** After those comments you will find your grade typed in ** GREEN **.

Refer to this list to identify the comment that corresponds with each number.
1. Vague 2. Introduction needs to set order of the essay 3. What is your thesis? 4. A statement is made, but not supported. 5. Simple statement made without adequate development. 6. Conceptually Strong – Factually Weak 7. Factually Strong – Conceptually Weak 8. Does not address question 9. Watch simple sentence structure. 10. Refer back to thesis 11. No transition 12. Intro/Conclusion need to be more specific 13. Omit needless words 14. Don’t tell a story 15. Awkward sentence structure 16. Only addresses part of the question. 17. Good Document Choice – weak analysis 18. Poor document choice - there are other documents that would have better served your point. 19. Develop further 20. Weak use of direct quote 21. Needs more outside information/facts 22. Write in the past tense 23. Not enough documents used 24. Don’t just say it PROVE it! 25. Get to the point quickly 26. Don’t define simple historic terms – reader knows. 27. Do not use pronouns to refer to a country 28. Poor word choice (WC) 29. Too much background information that does not directly address the question